Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
