I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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