My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
