Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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