He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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