If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
