Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
