I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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