She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
