is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
