508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
