True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
