i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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