Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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