Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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