Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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