matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
barbara walters just said penis...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
