Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
