That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
