Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
