im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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