I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
