Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
