My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
