I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
