he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
pray to the hookup gods
It's shark week go big or go home
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize