I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize