It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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