so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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