Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
