yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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