have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
