Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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