On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
