I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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