I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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