Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
