I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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