Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
