I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
