oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Randomize
