Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
