You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
