I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina is officially offended.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
