ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
