How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You can't just leave with hair like that
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
