she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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