dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
