were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
