Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
