I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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