The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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