Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
