it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
