some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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