Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize