the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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