i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.