I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.