Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good