Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll

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(248): Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll http://tfl.nu/ubae

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(909): View more from California

I just didn't expect you to be so naked....

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(909): I just didn't expect you to be so naked.... http://tfl.nu/rjbc

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass

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(513): I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass http://tfl.nu/na0v

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(417): View more from Missouri

we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!

(806): View more from Texas

wasnt one 13?

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(417): we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT! (806): wasnt one 13? http://tfl.nu/mo38

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(503): View more from Oregon

hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon

(1-503): View more from Oregon

all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis

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(503): hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon (1-503): all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis http://tfl.nu/njb8

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.

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(908): Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time. http://tfl.nu/kf31

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

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(502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

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(215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i

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(817): View more from Texas

You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all

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(817): You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all http://tfl.nu/x3bd

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(204): View more from Manitoba

You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.

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(204): You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/qhl9

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.

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(479): I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home. http://tfl.nu/yjx8

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Is she still in your room?

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.

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(978): Is she still in your room? (1-978): Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature. http://tfl.nu/vxhf

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(302): View more from Delaware

The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.

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(302): The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number. http://tfl.nu/o057

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.

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(215): Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you. http://tfl.nu/su7n

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(502): View more from Kentucky

No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.

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(502): No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful. http://tfl.nu/s1k5

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