He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.