i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter