dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.