I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
