i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He felt like a one man threesome
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
