So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
