dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize