so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?