Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line