I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.