the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night