We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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