i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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