We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
