who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
