3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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