my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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