Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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