his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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