I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
