I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
