Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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