Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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