sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
