we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We talked him into tasing himself.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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