someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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