I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
