An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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