you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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