my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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