Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
