So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
