using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
