he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
