Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
