You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I smell stomach acid.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
FUCK WHALES
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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