ya dads aren't the best wingmen
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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