True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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