first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
